Author : Brian Rensford
Copyright to Public Domain (feel free to adapt to your own area's cultural situation, only acknowledge source of skit)

Theme : The reality of spiritual warfare against Christian youth, epsecially any move towards unity.

Props : one table at front of stage, two chairs and mikes, looking down on congregation. One envelope, two phone books (wrapped up in a cover). Mobile phone. Two demons walk on from opposite sides (dressed appropriately), sit down and pick up a sealed envelope.

Damien G'day, Kretores! Fancy teaming up with you again! Haven't seen you since we busted up that youth group in Parramatta in 1995 (laughs wickedly). Boy! Wasn't that some chaos we caused then!?! What a riot!! They didn't even realise it was us - they thought it was that girl and her boyfriend.... Yep - we were quite a team. Anyway, what's on the agenda for us this time?

Kretores (opens envelope and slowly scans the instructions) Our Infernal Master has ordered us to infiltrate the youth groups in the (slowly) Holroyd Churches. It looks like, from this background info, that silly old idiot, Rapunzel, was supposed to be keeping them under control, and he started losing his grip. (sniggers evilly) I hear on the poison ivy line that our Master sentenced him to five years hard labour on the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singers.....

Damien Holroyd? Never heard of it? Sounds like the pits, know what I mean? Maybe it's one of our "pits"!? (laughs at own joke - then notices Kretores serious nod ) Don't tell me they've got some of those groups - you know - the ones getting serious about .... (grimaces like soap in his mouth) I can hardly bear to say that word - EVANGELISM for our Great Enemy!

Kretores OK. Let's read up on this lot (peers over congregation watching skit). They don't look too dangerous to us. (reads notes - loudly) What's this!? Some of them have started to pray!? On their own!? Oh no!! And together - it gets worse! They're getting together as well! With Christians from other groups! This is pure filth!

Damien (snatches notes from him) gimme a look at that.... What's this? Let's have a look at who their youth leaders are.... (reads from list) Hudson, Rensford, Siu, Parkinson, Perry..... what sort of background has headquarters got on them? Got some dirt on them? Some secret muck? We've got to stop this before it all gets out of hand! You know the old trick in their book, "Strike the shepherds and the sheep will scatter".

Kretores Damien, you disgusting nitwit! You know you're not supposed to read their book. (scared, quiet, looking behind himself) If he catches you - you know the punishment - ten years in New Zealand for both of us! Anyway, I've already sussed out their pasts, but the old old problem we've come across before came up - there was nothing there but a blank blood-washed page. Gives me the creeps, that does....

Damien All right. Let's see if Chapter two of the updated manual "How to wipe out a whole generation of Christians in three easy steps" can help us?" (rolls eyes) How come all our manuals have such boring, long winded titles? (pulls out a telephone book) Here we go, (reads aloud) "Distractions - 101 ways to keep their minds off God". Looks like some good material here, mate. What do you reckon? (flips through pages) "Girls, Guys, Entertainment, Music, Sport, Careers, Fashion, Money, Cars". It goes on and on....

Kretores If you had half a brain, you slow witted doormouse, you'd have taken the time to read Rapunzel's report - and noticed he'd already tried that chapter. He says it worked for five years, but they got wise to the con he was working on them - y'know.... the "right guy, girl, job, money, course, and I'd be happy forever" routine. I suggest we try chapter five - the "you can't have anything to do with that lot - they believe differently from us" tactic. Get them fighting over how different they are from each other.

Damien (drops his book on the table with a crash. Stares down at group) look at them! I can't believe this - they're reading His book! Aaahhhh - now they're studying it together! What has come over this bunch of maniacs!?! (points) There's that girl that giggles a lot.... she never opens her bible on her own. This is awful! Kretores, we've got to do something before they realise what they're opening the door to! If we're not careful, every demon guarding every high school in their area will want our guts for garters.....

Kretores (getting agitated) Find someone! Where's our research department when you need them? (picks up mobile and dials out frantically)

Damien [aside] If there's one thing I can't stand it's a yuppie demon.

Kretores Come on, come on.... Hullo, Kaotica, give me an update on the youth in the Holroyd area (pause) Holroyd! [pauses]. No - I don't know exactly where it is (leans towards Damien) he needs to know where Holroyd is to find it on the file manager. (holds up pamphlet) Somewhere near Parramatta! (shouts) Parramatta! Yes, that's it! (aside to Damien) He wants to know if Brett Kenny's retired yet - says they don't get much footy news down in the boiler room. (writes furiously) Thanks Kaotica! Rot in hell - you too, mate.... (hands file over to Damien who reads it)

Damien Most of this stuff is out of date. Seems to have been some changes all right! Hang on - this one here looks promising - youth leader-in-training. He's been seeing a young lady on the quiet who's not one of them - if you know what I mean?.... And if she'd not one of them.... as their book says.... she's one of ours! (cocks hand to mouth - yells) go on mate, think about her! She's a cracker all right! That's it - forget that other stuff they've told you!

Kretores He's open to us! Yep! That one's worth working over for sure. Should be good later an inside contact. (rocks back on his chair in shock) What the heaven was that!?! Look at them now! They're (screams) aaahhh! They're praying for each other now! And listen to what they're asking their leader. They're asking Him strengthen each other, and heal the divisions! Quick, Damien! Throw some lust thoughts at them! (cups hand to mouth - yells) hey you, yes you! Listen to me for a minute! There's a great video on tonight you should be watching. Stop this praying! Stop it! (turns to Damien and shrugs) It's not working, Damien, they're harder to put off than Rapunzel's report says. No wonder he got axed.

Damien If we're not careful, we'll be axed too, my dirty demonic friend.... I think it's time we called up reinforcements.... (looks worried. phones out) hullo, Grunger, it's Damien here. Yeah you too mate, it's been a bummer of a year. Something's happening out the West here. I don't like it. The kids aren't falling for the old tricks they used to. And the leaders are wising up on our tactics too. We need some help. Real soon! They're talking about the E-word. That's right - evangelism. Who've you got to spare. What? Other comrade demons are reporting similar disturbances around the place. (looks worried) Sounds like something BIG is up... (pauses, writing) Talk to you later. Rot in hell, digger. (hangs up)

Kretores While you were on the infernal phone, it's got worse, Damien. They've got to planning how to be better witnesses to their friends and school buddies! It's a Disaster!! Lucifer will kill us!

Damien You got it! If they don't rot in hell - we will.....